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"A great poet, a really great poet, is the most unpoetical of all creatures." The Picture of Dorian Gray

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

day forty-five: adventures.

i want to take you to a place
thats public
but not
a place called the park
where we can swing
on rubber seats
attached to metal poles by sturdy chains
and we can be free
i want to sit out on a quilt
and take pictures of your face
as the sun sets
and eat grapes and cheese
(because you know that's
my new favorite combination)
with you while we talk about music
and people
and what we want to do with ourselves
and the things we are unsure of
and the things we are positive of
and discuss books that we want to read
and how many i might write someday
we can walk and talk
then drive and listen
and just exist
exploring
ourselves with one another
from the outside in.

i want to go on adventures with you
will that be okay?

Monday, August 30, 2010

day forty-four: three word phrase.

you know that three word phrase?
the one that rhymes with dippity-doo?
and expresses a certain emotion...
one that happens between two people,
that one?

well, i do feel that dippity-doo for you
and i know i've told you
but i'm afraid
i'll admit it
that the phrase will be overused
worn out
and a crutch later on...
maybe i'm crazy
maybe i'm just scared
that the three word phrase
is taking over my world
and if it's worn out,
or no longer meant
my world might fall down
my heart might be ripped
and i'll survive, sure
and so will you
but i guess what i'm saying is:
i'm afraid to lose the
dippity i have for you.

day forty-three: road map of a heart.

trying to straighten out
and understand
and figure out
the road map
of his heart

the destination unknown
and the direction hardly thought out
and the travel plans unheard of
but it's okay

because getting lost
will be the best part
and finding my way out
will help me to get a head start
on figuring out
the road map
of his heart.

Sunday, August 29, 2010

day forty-two: who are you?

i feel you
i see you
i smell you
you're here
but who are you?
/
i thought i knew?
guess i was wrong...
but don't misunderstand
i do want to know
so i'll roll your name
around on my tongue until it rolls out
like dough beneath a bakers hand
/
and i'll say it aloud until it is as simple as
saying "hello" when answering a telephone
and "have a nice day" after receiving a tip from a customer
even "do you want power play?" when selling a lottery ticket
/
that's what you are to me
the jackpot
/
a winning ticket
that is being carried in my pocket
like an unfulfilled dream
not yet cashed in
but still a winner
/
that's you
and i'll know you better
day after day
/
who are you, again?
i don't think i ever really knew,
but i'm always up for learning
something new.

Saturday, August 28, 2010

day forty-one: [blank].

so theres this [blank]
and it goes like [blank]
and whenever [blank] happens
i just have to [blank] and go on.

i love when [blank] [blank]'s
but sometimes it just [blank]
so when i look through a book of [blank]s
and see all the empty [blank]s
this [blank] is so amazing,
but that's pretty much up to [blank] to decide
so [blank]ity [blank] [blank] your life.

and [blank] it up, love.

cause all these empty spaces
are for youth to fill
because without imagination
blank pages wouldn't thrill.

Friday, August 27, 2010

day thirty-nine: my back hurts

my back hurts
from this week
it's been a heavy week.
and my back hurts
from being a woman
oh, what a curse at times.
my back hurts
from laughing so hard
at all the silly things you do.
my back hurts
because love is heavy
and i love you.

Thursday, August 26, 2010

day forty: alone?

when did it become a sin to be
alone?
who decided that it would be normal to not be
alone?
why do we always have to be
surrounded?
why are we afraid of
aloneness?
because in that aloneness there is no one
to protect you from you.

you are alone
with yourself
and you cannot be trusted
not to think
think deeper than
petty conversation
think on your ideas
about how life works
and why people have dreams
and what your dreams are
and how many dreams you can make come true
and you can turn dreams
into experiences
thats something everyone dreams of
but who can say it?
very few.

while alone
treat yourself
the way you wish for others
to treat you
be polite
and caring
and don't think badly of yourself
ever.

just because you are alone
doesn't mean you are lonely
so when you say
"Table for one, please."
don't say it with a sad frown
or accept the disappointed waiter's
sorrowful glance
say, instead
"i'm treating myself
like no one else
has learned how."
and smile
because you are alone
and it's the most beautiful
and dangerous place
to be.

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

day thirty-eight: i keep forgetting.

i keep forgetting
that the sky is falling
that the world is crashing
to a hellish end
and that my world
is topsy-turvy
i keep forgetting
because i'm smiling
i'm too busy laughing
to see the sky
to watch the world
to try to right-side-up my life
because when i laugh
when i really laugh
my eyes almost close completely
and that makes it hard
to see what's going wrong
with
my
life.

i keep forgetting
that even though things aren't perfect,
they really are just fine with me.

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

day thirty-seven: the loss of Velv.

in this exact moment
i hate everything
i hate the way breathing feels
i hate the way holding my breath feels
i hate my fingers
i hate my friends
i hate being beneath these sheets

in this exact moment
i question everything i have ever loved
and why it was important to me
in this moment
i hate it all
i hate knowing
but i also hated wondering
i hate knowing that she is gone
i hate the hate that is suffocating me
i hate that loss is necessary for life
i hate that now i have to walk down to where she is buried
to cry
cry
cry
cry
because she is gone
never to bark at me
to express to me
that she wants me to throw the ball
or to move over so she can have the seat next to the armrest
so she can sit on my lap, which she hardly ever did
so she can sleep on my feet, like she used to
so she can get in my bed and chew a hole through my favorite quilt
simply because she couldn't sleep or the storm outside the house made her nervous
she will never
ride shotgun
and stick her wet nose
all over my window
and it will not be there for weeks
annoying me because it looks like a two year old
licked their finger and painted on the window
she wont do that anymore
because she isn't here.

she's under the trees,
below the birds she used to bark at,
she's beneath the soil
in the lower pasture.

she's my Velvet,
and she's not here anymore.

Monday, August 23, 2010

day thirty six: the two threads.

funny how
the most painful
of mishaps
bring together
the threads
that create the flawed fabric
of the beautiful tapestry that is
our lives.

sewn together
throughout our lives
stitches almost crossing,
not quite touching yet,
but getting to that point
when the needles crash
and together are knitted
the two threads
of two separate lives
that merge together
like the melody and harmony
in a beautiful song
there we are
two threads
crossed by disaster
oh, what a beautiful
disaster it was.

Sunday, August 22, 2010

day thirty five: the baby and the daisy.

there is a picture
on the shelf
with dust
around its frame
who took this picture?
someone with a name.
where was this beauty taken?
i've not been informed
but they whoever took this picture
should be fairly warned:

it makes me happy when i see it,
also it makes me want to cry,
it makes me want to kill someone
it makes me want to die,
it makes me want to hug you,
it makes me want to try
to find the way into your loving,
caring, strong, warm arms tonight.

its a picture of a child's hand
and in it there are flowers
with the purest white petals
and the brightest sunshine yellow center
and they give me hope, these daisies
but they make me sorry too
sorry that i have to spend
even a second without you.

Saturday, August 21, 2010

day thirty-four: that beautiful shooting star.

"there's this shooting star"
yeah?
"and its brighter than the rest"
uh-huh.
"and I've never been this nervous before"
oh?
"and I want it."
really?
"yeah, but it's going really fast and I don't think I can catch it..."
that's sad...
"but it's so pretty and I really like to look at it when it goes by."
have you ever stopped to wonder if maybe it's just orbiting?
"is it?"
yeah.
it is.

Friday, August 20, 2010

day thirty-three: some things.

some things will never
ever
ever
ever
ever seem to change

but some things
never
never
never
never stay the same

and all things will
ever
ever
ever
ever be

are up to how you spend (or don't spend)
time
time
time
time with me

and where are you
tonight
tonight
tonight
tonight when i'm alone?

it wont matter
tomorrow
tomorrow
tomorrow
tomorrow because

its nice to remember that
now
now
now
now i'm independent

for the most part, anyways.

Thursday, August 19, 2010

day thirty-two: innocent eyes.

close those heavy lids
shut your pretty eyes
don't look at this jaded world
with your innocent eyes

close your fragile ears
don't hear what they have to say
they tell their lies
from day to day

dont open your heart
it's not quite worth the risk
because there are people
who wont value it

turn away
from the perversities
of this repulsive world
and hide your innocence away
in a dark treasure chest
of celibacy and purity.

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

day thirty-one: i mean it.

i mean
the words
that slip
from my
lips.

even those
mumbled
so low
that you cannot hear
but you know
something is
being said
that you
should hear.

i mean it
when i say
that i'm really
okay
and i'll not say
what i don't mean
to say
on purpose
on accident
to say
so to speak
out loud
in my head
i really
cannot quiet
these voices
i almost love
them now.
can you
hear them?
they miss you too.

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

day thirty: knowing... simply knowing.

knowing...
simply knowing
that you get it.
that my words are meaning something
to you, yes you.
they are screaming at you
even jumping off the screen at you
they make you understand things
you never really even thought about before
and you like that feeling,
that feeling you get
knowing that someone else
somewhere
just knows.

Monday, August 16, 2010

twenty-nine: being in bad company.

to be in
bad company
is like
having that
fuzzy feeling
around your teeth
that just wont go away
no matter how much
water you drink
or how much gum
you gnaw
the fuzzy feeling is still there
haunting
just like
being in bad company
sometimes you have to
quit what you are doing
and just go
brush your freaking teeth.

Sunday, August 15, 2010

Saturday, August 14, 2010

twenty-seven: forgotten things.

forgotten things:
a movie ticket
a graduation card
a pair of shorts
a magazine
an instrument
a passion.

a movie ticket
i never can remember...
did we see that movie
the two of us, together?

a graduation card
recently discovered
in a book of poetry
i never did thank you formally...

a pair of shorts
that were soaked
from an impulse dip
in a refreshing swimming pool
they were left there
along with other things
i will fail to remember to mention.

a magazine
that i purchased
on an impulse
a whim
i found a tattoo inside
that i wouldn't mind on my body
if i was into that sort of thing
but i haven't read all of it
i just found it again today
where does my time go?

an instrument
that has been cased
for far too long
and sitting in the corner
with its friend, alone.
it'll return
you wait and see
my fingers are beginning to become
a little twitchy.

a passion
that i forgot i had...?
can you really forget a passion?
how, exactly, does that happen?
it doesn't
so now that i've remembered:
i have a new passion.
i'll try to remember this one
this time
but i wont make

a promise.

Friday, August 13, 2010

twenty-six: monsters inside.

for the first time
in a long while
there are words
inside me
that can't escape.

they cant find a way out
probably because these busy hands
haven't given them alone time
with a simple
utensil, the pen.

the words just bounce
and scatter
like those water droplets
above that basin
hanging in mid air,
still for barely a blink
before crashing and assimilating
into the bowl of my brain
once more.

there is alliteration on my tongue,
an alligator in my brain,
a pain in my ankle,
and a rift in my subconscious...
all because
there are worlds
stuck
like monsters inside me.

Thursday, August 12, 2010

day twenty-five: to die today

to die
today
would be
to dye
the world
with that
bright red water
that leaks from
my veins
it would be
like
a permanent stain
left on those
who love me
and whom
i love.
that is what
it would be
to die today.

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

day-twenty four: a poem about cheese.

this is
a poem
about cheese.
the cheesiest cheese
ever to be cheesed
and the tastiest cheese
to be spread over
a delicious
singular
cracker
and with
a chomp
the cheese
was
no
more.

and the
world
fell
to
crumbs.

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

day twenty-three: whispering patron saints.

patron saints
of broken hearts
of disappointment
"where are you?"
they scream
they're searching
for what I've found
I'm afraid to share it
but I'm afraid not to
because I'm afraid
they'll take it away
these hopefuls
hopeful souls
crying to the patron saints
who only have ears
for those who whisper.

Monday, August 9, 2010

day twenty-two: things will happen.

things will happen
thats the way life is
they will happen at "random"
but always for a reason
things will happen
that we cannot truly explain
and those are usually the most important
the ones too magical and incomprehensible for words.

Sunday, August 8, 2010

day twenty-one: the "we".

every day
we go farther away
from where i thought
we'd be today

when i'd dream
of these days
these days we are in now
i didn't see these walls, chasms, gulfs and mountains
i saw us, happy: free.

well, i was mistaken
or the different roads we've taken
have just led us in the same direction
without much of a common situation
of which we can converse...

so here, we stand
in someplace i never thought i'd be
wondering who you are
and how you became more like you
while i became more like me
and those people we grew into
became less like the "we" we used to be...?

Saturday, August 7, 2010

day twenty: all about words.

i'm all about the words
the words you say
the words that fill the pages
of a diary, journal or troubled mind
i'm all about the words
the words you use
to describe the way you feel
to describe the sounds of breathing
the inhaling and exhaling of a living being
i'm all about the words
the words
the words
the words that make you smile like that
the words that echo behind my eyes
in the thing scientist called "the brain"
i'm all about those words
the words that people tell us
should mean something to us
the words we just accept
like candy from strangers
the sugar coated truth
the words
that mesh together
to send a message
that really means
something completely opposite
of the words that just spilled
over your tempting lips.

Friday, August 6, 2010

day nineteen: healing.

time
to tell
just how
much
the truth
will
set you
free.

time
to see
just how
long
it will
take me
to
see.

time to
hear me
when
i tell
you
how i
feel.

please
don't just
listen
to me,
help me
heal.

Thursday, August 5, 2010

day eighteen: until tonight.

letting so many things
slip from my lips
has never felt
so insanely unbearable
until tonight

letting so many truths
fall from my tongue
has never felt
so heart breaking
until tonight

watching so many disappointed glances
mask your face
has never felt
so disgusting
until tonight

hearing that we still have "trust issues"
with such a tone in your voice
has never felt
so gut-wrenchingly painful
until tonight

seeing that look
of "understanding"
has never felt
so frustrating
until tonight

thanks for listening
so, until tomorrow then,
goodnight.

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

day seventeen: the three leafed clover.

there is that hope
when searching
in a pasture
for a four leafed
clover

there is that hope
when you spot
the extra leaf
that makes you heart
sputter

there is that hope
when plucking it
from the nourishing soil
that keeps your breath
imprisoned

there is that hope
that is extinguished
when you inspect the lucky leaf
that reveals
that you were
mistaken

there is that hope
when you lay the
three leafed one aside
and begin your search again
hopeful that you'll discover
the perfect charm
you're searching for.


Tuesday, August 3, 2010

day sixteen: love song for impossible times.

this love song
for impossible times
is turning over on the tip of my tongue
and it tastes like lemonade
sweet with sour
and tangy with zesty
and simply alive and tingling,
that is what this love song is.

this love song on my desk,
written in pencil,
graded in red,
its a beloved piece of paper
held by many hands
but now tis neglected
and no longer gossiped about
because the gossips have traveled on
and left this love song
to simply deteriorate.

Monday, August 2, 2010

day fifteen: late.

yes;
i am late
thanks for noticing
how i've been living
my entire life

late.

running behind.
not on time.
well i've turned over
a new clock
and looked it in the face
and decided that this
is the last time
just like the last time
and the time before that
this will be the last time i'm late
for anything at all,
and i've decided the last event
i'll be late for
is my funeral.
this is me.
late as can be.

Sunday, August 1, 2010

day fourteen: if i could.

if i could have
one singular waltz
with you
i'd pick a song
that would never end

if i could have
one single hug
from you
i'd handcuff
my arms around you

if i could only
look into your eyes
until i blinked
i'd learn to leave my eyes open
so i could see your beauty
simply forever

if i could
if i could
i would
because you mean that much to me
yes,
you
do.