day fifty-three: weightless.

and with that

i am seemingly

weightless

in this ocean

of hurt

i am floating

free from the terrors

of the deep, dark, sea,

i am floating

silently

just waiting to find a shore

(on which i'll be washed upon)

or an open door

(on which i'll knock and if no one answers

i will knock down, because thats what hips were made for.)

and if the door does not give

and the shore does not show up

then i'll climb a rope ladder

made from my hair

i'll climb up until i can go no further

there i will build a treehouse

out of invisible boards

that will only hold me

and my pet parakeet

(the pet i don't have...)

because i have faith

in things unseen.

and with that

i am seemingly weightless

waiting for a window of

amazingly potent opportunity.

day fifty-one: plans?

see,

there are these things

they are called plans

and we've never needed them...

so why

am i trying so hard

to plan

when i let my heart

be yours?

because i'm afraid.

i'm terrified

and i've been told that

that is the point of love

to be terrified of the newness

and the oldness and the perfection that will never be there

to be open to heartbreak

and to help one another

i'm afraid that i'll get lost

i'll lose myself in you

and i wont be able to come out

not whole, not safe, not me.

i'm terrified of

ending up like those before me

of jumping this gun

of ending... us... ever.

of being judged.

i'm basically scared

and i'm finding my faith

and my trust

and my reasons to be brave

just wait,

i'll find them soon

i can feel it in my

shaking hands

there's something just there

just out of reach

something that will make me realize

its okay for me to be

happy.

day forty-seven: us.

what are you two?

people ask

but there are no words

none at all

to describe this.

we are simply two people,

friends,

but sometimes much more,

sometimes much less,

it changes with the days

and there is simply not a name

for this blessed relationship

and who needs a name?

especially when you're as happy

as two pods in a pea.

day thirty: knowing... simply knowing.

knowing...

simply knowing

that you get it.

that my words are meaning something

to you, yes you.

they are screaming at you

even jumping off the screen at you

they make you understand things

you never really even thought about before

and you like that feeling,

that feeling you get

knowing that someone else

somewhere

just knows.

twenty-eight: truth and lies.

the truth

may hurt

like hell

but its

the lies

that kill

and send

you there.

twenty-seven: forgotten things.

forgotten things:

a movie ticket

a graduation card

a pair of shorts

a magazine

an instrument

a passion.

a movie ticket

i never can remember...

did we see that movie

the two of us, together?

a graduation card

recently discovered

in a book of poetry

i never did thank you formally...

a pair of shorts

that were soaked

from an impulse dip

in a refreshing swimming pool

they were left there

along with other things

i will fail to remember to mention.

a magazine

that i purchased

on an impulse

a whim

i found a tattoo inside

that i wouldn't mind on my body

if i was into that sort of thing

but i haven't read all of it

i just found it again today

where does my time go?

an instrument

that has been cased

for far too long

and sitting in the corner

with its friend, alone.

it'll return

you wait and see

my fingers are beginning to become

a little twitchy.

a passion

that i forgot i had...?

can you really forget a passion?

how, exactly, does that happen?

it doesn't

so now that i've remembered:

i have a new passion.

i'll try to remember this one

this time

but i wont make

a promise.

twenty-six: monsters inside.

for the first time

in a long while

there are words

inside me

that can't escape.

they cant find a way out

probably because these busy hands

haven't given them alone time

with a simple

utensil, the pen.

the words just bounce

and scatter

like those water droplets

above that basin

hanging in mid air,

still for barely a blink

before crashing and assimilating

into the bowl of my brain

once more.

there is alliteration on my tongue,

an alligator in my brain,

a pain in my ankle,

and a rift in my subconscious...

all because

there are worlds

stuck

like monsters inside me.

day twenty: all about words.

i'm all about the words

the words you say

the words that fill the pages

of a diary, journal or troubled mind

i'm all about the words

the words you use

to describe the way you feel

to describe the sounds of breathing

the inhaling and exhaling of a living being

i'm all about the words

the words

the words

the words that make you smile like that

the words that echo behind my eyes

in the thing scientist called "the brain"

i'm all about those words

the words that people tell us

should mean something to us

the words we just accept

like candy from strangers

the sugar coated truth

the words

that mesh together

to send a message

that really means

something completely opposite

of the words that just spilled

over your tempting lips.

day nineteen: healing.

time

to tell

just how

much

the truth

will

set you

free.

time

to see

just how

long

it will

take me

to

see.

time to

hear me

when

i tell

you

how i

feel.

please

don't just

listen

to me,

help me

heal.

day eighteen: until tonight.

letting so many things

slip from my lips

has never felt

so insanely unbearable

until tonight

letting so many truths

fall from my tongue

has never felt

so heart breaking

until tonight

watching so many disappointed glances

mask your face

has never felt

so disgusting

until tonight

hearing that we still have "trust issues"

with such a tone in your voice

has never felt

so gut-wrenchingly painful

until tonight

seeing that look

of "understanding"

has never felt

so frustrating

until tonight

thanks for listening

so, until tomorrow then,

goodnight.