day one hundred eighty-three: quiz.

over/under
whelm me
inside/outside
judge me
create/destroy
my senses
set free/control
my dreams
yes/no
circle all that apply
and don't say neither
cause that's a lie

day one hundred sixty-two: the lies we tell ourselves.

to deny yourself
is to alter yourself
to lie to yourself
is to deceive yourself
to deceive yourself
is to believe the lies
that no matter how hard you try to deny
will alter you
turn you inside out
upside down
and shake you for every last penny
i can only go on for so long
lying to myself
because i know that something
something isn't right
there's this feeling in my gut
and in the back of my mind
and last time, as afraid as i was,
i listened
and it came out right in the end
so this time, i'm a little more sensitive
to that Truth coming from behind my brain
somewhere deep within my chest
i will not deny it any longer
there's a certain thing
that i've lied about
believed about
and deceived about
and i'm going to let it out
i will
soon
because that's why i'm so restless lately
there's something that must be said
and it's already on paper, baby,
waiting for your eyes.
be prepared,
because it's coming.
you may need to sit down
take a rest
it's that intense.

day one hundred fifty-six: you can trust the stars.

"we live in a world built on promises
constructed by liars"


round, round, green
lies, lies, means,
stars tickle the darkness
like bits of truth
shining through lying lives
"never stop
never stop writing"
keep going
on and on
shoot the stars
fling them across the sky
they're just trying to get your attention
to let you know,
they aren't like everyone else
you can trust the bits of truth
if you can catch them
if you can hold them tight enough
that they wont fling themselves
back at the horizon
you can trust the stars
if you can catch them.

day one hundred fifty: where credit is due.

i must say
that i must
give credit
where credit
is due
i must say
that i was
thrilled to finally
be seeing you
until that is
i noticed
that you don't even
care about
the people you "love"
and "treasure"
only the ones you've
recently been around
and that's fine,
sure whatever
i must bid you adieu
because at least you don't pretend to care
like others i know that do.

day one hundred forty-one: out of control.

out of control

losing my soul

heartbreak

cannot take

this shouting

this headache

remove yourself

remove me

lies

hypnotize me

with your lies

you're missing the importance

of your actions

and your words

there's a sort of condescension

and hypocrisy

for every thing that echoes from your mouth

and every blow that comes from your arms

it's funny: the way you lie

just like i once did

the way you ruined an evening

like i have done many times before

maybe that's why i see

your silly lying

hypocrisy

day eighty-six: sometimes misunderstandings.

sometimes misunderstandings

can end the world

sometimes misunderstandings

can change a life

sometimes misunderstandings

are the best thing about my days

sometimes misunderstandings

make me question my ways

sometimes misunderstandings

make me think about the "what if"s

sometimes misunderstandings

make me want to take long, long trips

sometimes misunderstandings

are what life is made of

and sometimes misunderstandings

make people fall in love

sometimes misunderstandings

aren't amiss at all

sometimes misunderstandings

are ways we actually tell all

sometimes misunderstandings

are not meant to be misunderstood

sometimes misunderstandings

are truth in a little red hood

day eighty: yesterday.

yesterday

i was supposed to write this

yesterday

so i'll just writ this now

and change the time stamp

at the bottom, there.

and now you wont ever know,

unless, of course,

you looked at this blog yesterday.

well, and of course

the fact that i'm telling you now

informs you of my fib.

so, i lied.

i wrote this today.

not yesterday.

but i guess it doesn't really matter

because you read it anyway

just not on yesterday.

day seventy-three: love and hate.

i loved

to stand

and conversate

for four

hours straight

and to just be

and to hear

and to just see

the things

you've been becoming

and saying

and doing

and it's not

that i'm letting you

control my happiness

it's that the things

that you had to say

were exactly what

i needed to hear

fall from your lips

oh, the irony

of love and hate.

twenty-eight: truth and lies.

the truth

may hurt

like hell

but its

the lies

that kill

and send

you there.