day one hundred eighty-one: a[lone].

that one feeling
that everyone knows
whether they know they know
or remain unaware:
alone

day one hundred thirty-two: lonely soul.

constantly wondering

how many more days

i can simply make it

pretending that i'm okay alone

pretending that lonely

is my favorite state of mind

because it's not

theres an archaic ache

inside my soul

to be matched with someone

someone much like me

but much different, too

and there's this part

that wont shut up

no matter how long i suppress it

it returns with roaring glory

"you're alone..."

"there's no getting out..."

"there's no one there..."

and the lies it whispers

i nieve-ly believe

because lonely is the saddest state

the saddest state of mind.

day one hundred twenty-one: dear mine.

dear mine,

i am here

waiting for you

not to come "sweep me off my feet"

i can do without the showy

romantic cliches

but to show up in the shadows

and to, maybe, catch me off guard?

i wonder if you really do

even exist?

are you waiting for me to find you?

well, maybe i will.

i wont promise a dream come true

but i can promise to love you

like no other will ever love you.

treat me "right"

love me much

dont neglect the smallest touch

just be there

be around

let me enjoy finding

what i have found

don't expect me to dive right in

i'll be hesitant, at least, my friend,

but i'll be yours if you wait out the storm

and let me walk the tight rope

i'm stringing along

let me walk it for a while

to prove i can walk it alone.

day eighty-nine: i know this will be misunderstood, but it must be said.

nights like this

i miss you more

and more

and

more.

nights so cool

and chill

and more

and

more.

nights where coyotes

howl and scream

and more

and

more.

nights when the moon

just seems so near

and more

and

more.

nights like this

i simply miss

the sound of my name

and more

i miss the sound of yours

and more

rolling of a tongue

and more

and so i'll whisper it

and more

into nights like these.

fix my heart.

day eighty-two: alone.

i want to be alone

i want to be secluded

i want to be left alone

until i get there

then i get so alone

that i feel lonesome

it's quite sad

because i used to know what to do

when i was alone with me

now i'm just not sure

what to do

other than wish i had someone to talk to

sometimes i guess

it's just wanting something

that i can't have

and when i get it

i don't remember how much

i didn't love it like i thought i would

so, i want to be left alone

and i want to remember

how to be myself with me

and just be happy here

alone

again.

day sixty-one: the loveless life.

so here i am.

in a loveless life.

milling and mingling

laughing and being

alone

so here i am

is there a such thing?

as a loveless life

wouldn't a person just expire

without love?

so here i am

wondering what my life is now

it's not what i thought

its not really what i want

but it's my life none the less.

and everyone will say

that it's up to me

to make the most of it...

which is mostly true

but mostly not

because i'm imprisoned

inside myself.

day forty: alone?

when did it become a sin to be

alone?

who decided that it would be normal to not be

alone?

why do we always have to be

surrounded?

why are we afraid of

aloneness?

because in that aloneness there is no one

to protect you from you.

you are alone

with yourself

and you cannot be trusted

not to think

think deeper than

petty conversation

think on your ideas

about how life works

and why people have dreams

and what your dreams are

and how many dreams you can make come true

and you can turn dreams

into experiences

thats something everyone dreams of

but who can say it?

very few.

while alone

treat yourself

the way you wish for others

to treat you

be polite

and caring

and don't think badly of yourself

ever.

just because you are alone

doesn't mean you are lonely

so when you say

"Table for one, please."

don't say it with a sad frown

or accept the disappointed waiter's

sorrowful glance

say, instead

"i'm treating myself

like no one else

has learned how."

and smile

because you are alone

and it's the most beautiful

and dangerous place

to be.