day thirteen: He believes in you.

i believe in a God.

a God with power

over the entire universe

and beyond my understanding

i believe that He loves me

and as i can hardly begin

to understand

how He is even capable

of loving someone

as despicable as me

but i believe

i believe

i believe that He believes in you.

day twelve: the spark.

there it was

in my hands

the spark that was

so light

and beautiful

to both me and to you

but as i watched it

grow and shrink

i knew it would not stay

so i let the spark

simply float away

don't be angry

it was the only thing to do

if i held it too tightly

i would have burned my hands

and extinguished as i turned to ash

and if i had let that happen

where would we be?

still without a spark

still without that magnetic pull

between you and me.

day eleven: this makes no sense.

there are no words

inside me

they have already left

via the ducts

in my eyes

the ones that make tears.

i'm no longer afraid

of what words you will say

because i'm growing thicker skin.

i'm just watching

and waiting

and changing for me.

i'll not read too much into

anything, but under think everything

because it makes life easier

when you go into the rabbit hole

instead of trying to coax him out

and theres an orange-ness in the sky

that symbolizes the times i've lied

about who i am

and slowly its fading

lets lay down

here in this grass

and wait for words to come again.

in this abstract

train of

mind.

day ten: irony of ironies.

"why is your heart beating so fast?"

"because i'm standing next to such a beautiful boy..."

never a more ironic irony

has ever been drawn from a mason jar.

he has no idea

what he is doing

to and for me.

he's deciding the topic of my thoughts

and he's making me smile so big,

and its insanely amazing how his eyes

hypnotize me.

take your laugh lines and let me be tangled

within the joy of their visit.

and take your glance and melt my skin

reduced to a puddle at your feet.

take your arms and crush my soul

with a single embrace.

and all i can say is "thanks"

because never a more ironic irony

has ever occurred.

that is, until me and you.

now thats what i call ironic.

day eight: repeating the past.

who put this cd

on repeat?

who turned back

the hands of time?

why does this

seem

to be happening to me

all the all the time?

a passionate stab of

pain

from the passion

within my pain

a broken body

beneath this three-dimensional

state of mind, hides lonely,

am i broken

just to write another silly verse

to meter another pointless poem

with my distraught emotional state of mind?

because if thats not it,

then please,

lets skip this,

i've been here before,

i've cut myself this deep,

lets fast forward

past the repeated

steps of my past.

day nine: trying to figure out me.

you say you want me to be happy with me

you say you don't want me to hide behind the things i do

but what you don't get is:

i am young

i am free

i am and trying to figure out me

some days i like going

some days i'd rather stay put

some days i'm insane with laughter

some days i'm quiet and somber

some days i'm the me you want me to be

other days i'm not.

so let me try me on for size

let me figure me out

one day at a time

i'm happy,

(or, at least, i'm learning how to be)

i promise.

(life is too short not to be)

because i'm trying new things

i'm finding me

i'm not standing still all the time

i'm not stuck, although most days in my head,

i do feel that way.

i'm figuring out the world

by being in it.

i'm not afraid of what or who i'll find

because i know i'm out there somewhere,

i know i'm waiting to be found

and the search is fun thus far, my friend,

and i feel more beautiful than a falling star.

day seven: don't worry about life, because you wont survive it anyways...

i'll be fine.

so will you.

we'll survive.

well, actually thats a lie.

because eventually we will

simply cease to exist

in this world.

we wont survive.

the odds are against us.

this heartbreak,

will kill us slowly.

this breathing,

it will not last forever.

this hug,

cannot hold our bodies together.

doomed to decompose.

we will not survive.

but, somehow, its alright.

because life will get us down,

just so we can get back up

and learn to battle the odds,

to face death straight on,

and to try our hardest when the impossible comes,

because worrying about life is simply a waste of time,

in the end, nobody survives.

day six: sleeping, waking, breathing

sleeping

i am happy

i am oblivious

i am at peace with the world

waking

i am working

i am thinking

i am trying to wisely use my time

breathing

i am existing

i am calm

i am almost always... breathing.

day five: this much is known.

i drew this title

from a jar

a jar filled with random words

and random topics

on which to poetify.

this much is known,

that i drew out a slip

on it was writ'n

"this much is known"

it is known that without you

i am myself

but with you

i feel safe

it is known that without you

i am independent

but with you

i am comfortable

it is known that i wouldn't have been

with those friends the other night

but without you

i was, and i was smiling too.

this much is known

i still sometimes miss you.

day four: laughter.

i hear laughter.

i feel laughter.

i am laughter.

it tumbles out of me

so uncontrollably.

thank you

for sharing your smile.

for sharing your jokes.

for sharing your giggles.

for returning my smile.

i am laughing.

i feel lighter.

i feel like me.

i feel free.

simply free.

day three: the surrounding.

surrounded,

let me out

let me breathe

let me be

myself.

thats what all

this hurt was

for: so i could

finally be who

i am.

but with your

words crashing

through my

deaf ears

and tangling inside

my foolish head

i've lost

the thoughts

of me, myself, i.

i want to find

somewhere,

anywhere but here.

a somewhere where

i'll be invisible and new

and maybe, just maybe,

i can outrun the words

and you.

day two: arms.

there are butterflies

inside of me

they bounce

around in

my tummy

like broken

glass from

a window

pane, or

water that

runs down

the drain

they flutter

then suddenly

they drop.

i blame you

for this obsessive behavior.

i blame you

for the bumps on my arms.

i blame you

for that breathless moment

when i'm caught in the charm

of your beautiful

dizzying

smile.

day one: unfinished business.

some things

never seem

to be done

while others

just enjoy

being undone

while some

seem to scream

"don't forget about me!"

other say

"don't waste your time..."

some are comfortable

with neglect

others, fear it.

some things

should be left

to be done

by the right

caring hands

while others

anyone can handle.

my heart is one

of these somethings.

which one,

its not sure

and neither am i.

so here's to the somethings

that need love

and affection

and here's to the things

that somehow

manage to go without.

Welcome,

to the 365 project of a poet.

inspired by my photographer friend megan. :)

yes, she has my name.

well, its pretty simple: this will be a blog of poetry- one post a day for an entire year.

so, here it goes.

-[Me]gan