day 216: you're taught to raise your hand before you speak. turns out that's just a waste of time.

S T R E T C H
at the seams

B I N D I N G S
pages leave

D i s a p p e a r
like vapor

second
ALREADY GONE


Minute
not far behind it


T O D A Y
isn't a promise


it's a question
how will you make 
the world a better place


and what will you do
when it knocks you on your face?


question
you've already answered

[and you didn't even have to raise your hand]

day two-hundred five: find you.

do your best
to find you
somewhere inside yourself
don't look
in someone else
don't seek
in some other soul
wont find
anything worth looking for
find yourself
find who you are
and don't depend
on the world
to tell you: who you are
where you're going
and how you'll get there.
don't be another civilian casualty.

day one hundred seventy-eight: when it doesn't happen or if it never did.

act out
just once
do something
totally wrong
but still right
just not
for you
or what's
expected of you
and that once
will leave everyone
shocked and wondering
when it will
happen again

but when it doesn't
or if it never did

follow the "rules"
laid down by superiors
and fogies
of yesteryear
and be considered lame
and be told
"take chances;
one life;
live it big"
but do that
just once
and you're condemned
never to be seen
as "good"
in the eyes of certain
people
ever
ever again.

day one hundred seventy-one: dreams.

betrayal
you taste familiar
like a bitter old friend
who decides to say hello
but you know it's just o be polite

jealousy
you sting like the taunting words
shouted across a the local playground
where children learn to swing and run
to cuss and lie

disappointment
you blindside us every time
life is going smoothly then suddenly
BOOM there's a failed plan or a bad grade
or a secret that's been spread amongst your friends
that just makes the world fall on you

what's the point in dreaming anymore?
where do unsuccessful dreams go?
are dreams ever unsuccessful or simply never are removed
from that holy alter of "dream" that we all have for ourselves
dream, come down from that pedestal, and let me have you
before all the evil things in this life
take over
and i forget how i came up with you
in the first place.

day one hundred fifty-five: my life.

i want

i dream

i need

coffee

dreams

hugs

i pray

i wish

i hope

fulfillment

to understand

i follow through

by doing the things that i want, 

dream, need, pray for, wish for, 

and hope for...

because at the end of my life

i'll be the only one to blame

for the dreams i never made

come true. 

i'm too compassionate

and too sympathetic

i feel the regret others have

for their lives spent

and dreams lost

and i've felt it enough to realize

there is no such thing as "too compassionate"

"too sympathetic"

because the biggest regrets in life

are usually ones that could have been

easily avoided with a little bit of love,

for ones self or others

and a little understanding 

in a tense situation.

i'm learning.

i'm dreaming.

i'm not waiting.

i'm planning

ahead, but flexible,

ever ready

to change my plans

at the drop 

of a 

word.

day ninety-six: i'll push.

i'm going to push

myself

so i'll become

who i dream i'll be

i'm going to push

the buttons

so life wont just be

something people dictate to me

i'm going to push

you around

because you've got to learn

to stand up when i'm not around

i'm going to push

the limit

because that word isn't in my

vocabulary, okay?

i'm going to push

and pull

and beat my way

through this jungle

and i'm already refusing to settle

so that maybe someday

all this pushing will pay off

and all this shoving will make sense

and all this heartbreak will be worth it

because it's what i worked for

and it'll be what i get

either way,

i'm going to push

so get out of my way.

day seventy-nine: what if what if what if.

what if we said hello

and never said goodbye

what if i was happy

and didn't have to lie

what if there was something

actually keeping us alive

what if we said hello

and never said goodbye

what if i admitted to treason

even though that'd be a lie

what if i told you i missed you

a little less of a lie

what if i stopped handling

your heart with such care

what if i just watched my own back

and wasn't near as scared

what if i admitted to treason

even though that'd be a lie

what if what if what if

i asked it a million times

what if i stopped saying i'm sorry

and actually wasn't sorry for anything at all

what if you were just crazy

and i was the sane one

what if there were a million words

to describe me accurately

what if i used them all

in some silly poetry

what if what if what if

i asked it a million times

sometimes i wonder

if "what if" will be the last thought

to cross my insanity-filled mind.

day seventy-six: my missing word.

i'm writing

wasted words

pointless phrases

silly syllables

rhetorical rhymes

lying lyrics

and it's okay

because it's what

you want to read.

well, news flash

this is about me.

me finding me

becoming me

and being me

and i'm me,

don't get me wrong,

but i'm still searching

for something

a missing

(word.)

(something.)

(description.)

(word.)

i'm on the search

for my word

in this world.

day sixty-eight: when i grow up.

there are things

i want to see

people i want

to touch

things i want to be

when i grow up

when i grow up

i'll conquer the world

but don't worry

you will hardly notice

because it's just something

some were born to do

i wont let you take my light

you may not steal my life

and squeeze my passion into some

magical potion of a cocktail

you can't have my secrets either

the deepest ones that are hidden

somewhere deep inside this poet

there are things i want

things i want to be

to do

to see

to touch

to enjoy

to be a part of

to be

and i'm not sure if

with or without you is one.

i'm just praying

i'll figure it out.

day sixty-five:

here i am.

i have potential.

i'm trying to push it

to the very brink.

to expand the potential

to heighten my vertical

to broaden my horizontal

here i am.

trying my hardest

to live this thing to the fullest.

i can do anything

if i just do it.

i'm trying to push myself

to the very brink,

and i think i might have

just

fallen

over

the

. e d g e .

day sixty: time won't stop.

"time is gonna go by anyways

no matter what you do, or do not do..."

a valid

simple

amazingly plain truth.

it's been said

"time waits for no man"

and "time flies

when you're having fun."

but what happens

when man is just passing time by

and what about when

you're being miserable and praying for a good time?

time still goes on,

things still happen,

and time wasted

is time that will never return

just as time well spent

is nothing but a memory.

time will go by anyways

you might as well fill it

with something meaningful.