day one hundred fifty-five: my life.

i want

i dream

i need

coffee

dreams

hugs

i pray

i wish

i hope

fulfillment

to understand

i follow through

by doing the things that i want, 

dream, need, pray for, wish for, 

and hope for...

because at the end of my life

i'll be the only one to blame

for the dreams i never made

come true. 

i'm too compassionate

and too sympathetic

i feel the regret others have

for their lives spent

and dreams lost

and i've felt it enough to realize

there is no such thing as "too compassionate"

"too sympathetic"

because the biggest regrets in life

are usually ones that could have been

easily avoided with a little bit of love,

for ones self or others

and a little understanding 

in a tense situation.

i'm learning.

i'm dreaming.

i'm not waiting.

i'm planning

ahead, but flexible,

ever ready

to change my plans

at the drop 

of a 

word.

day one hundred twenty-four: who understands?

Who Understands?

(Written 10/21/08)

they lock the doors,

so i stay inside;

they threw away the key,

so i live without hope;

they take my will,

so i am useless;

they twist my words

and i am broken;

they make me feel guilt,

so i live with my tears;

they feed me bitterness,

so my heart grows cold;

they take away my voice,

so i live in silence;

they take my innocence,

and my soul grows black;

i cannot walk through locked doors,

or love with a bitter heart;

who understands when i say

this is painful?

who understands when i say

i want out?

day one hundred-three: what I'm looking for.

On the quest for understanding

Can you see from where I’m coming,

Where I’m going

Where I’m standing?

Theres a reason

A rhyme

A rhythm in

These footsteps of mine

I’m looking

Searching, longing

To be “gotten”

To be seen and believed

There’s a longing

That is born within

And it will not stop tugging

Until this battle I win

And there’s a riddle

To be solved

Can I be understood

And loved?

I think I can

I feel I should

Somewhat like that engine

That could…

As a child

I was told

To listen and understand

But now that I’m older

It’s not as easy as that

Listening is a step

Understanding is a leap

It’s seeing even deeper than what lies beneath

There’s a muse inside

She lives in my head

And she tells me that some day

I will be understood

But like most poets

It might just have to wait

Until after I’m dead.