day one hundred sixty-seven: a new year.

a new dawn
new year
new day
new fears
there's a list
a mile long
of "what if"s
"why"s and "how"s
head up
smile big
and hope
the crowds
will part your way
and don't let them see you sweat
because this is only a new day.

day seventy-nine: what if what if what if.

what if we said hello

and never said goodbye

what if i was happy

and didn't have to lie

what if there was something

actually keeping us alive

what if we said hello

and never said goodbye

what if i admitted to treason

even though that'd be a lie

what if i told you i missed you

a little less of a lie

what if i stopped handling

your heart with such care

what if i just watched my own back

and wasn't near as scared

what if i admitted to treason

even though that'd be a lie

what if what if what if

i asked it a million times

what if i stopped saying i'm sorry

and actually wasn't sorry for anything at all

what if you were just crazy

and i was the sane one

what if there were a million words

to describe me accurately

what if i used them all

in some silly poetry

what if what if what if

i asked it a million times

sometimes i wonder

if "what if" will be the last thought

to cross my insanity-filled mind.