day one hundred eighty-nine: just another heartbroken morning.

"funny, i thought after spilling it all out
then sleeping it all out
i'd wake up today
and it would all have gone away,
but no, i was wrong-- so wrong--
it still hurts today."

"it will for a while."

"okay."

what more is there to say?
be strong?
carry on?
smile away the hurt?
why care so much what others feel?
care for yourself for once?
maybe, i'm afraid to feel.

day one hundred eighty-eight: lies.

lay down the truth
foundation beneath the structure
winds blow
and it stands still

place a post upright
atop the desert sand
winds blow
it stands not a chance

take a leap of faith
make a choice that may end in misery
winds blow
and i feel warm

drop a bombshell
let it be released
let it rain acid and pain on me
winds blow
the rain still falls.

day one hundred seventy: the word waste.

such waste
squandered space
shrinking breaths
wilting dreams
fading days
atrophied muscles
shrivel and die

this is me.

day one hundred sixty-nine: side effects of life.

circles into oblivion
the monotonous life
keeps barreling down
through the oceans of silly baubles
that really are meaningless
sentimental, but meaningless
there's loss of appetite
lost of interests
watch out, there went moodiness
and now there's a sudden change in sleep
too much, too much, too much,
and deeper we delve into the infinity of dark
because everyone else just jumped off the sane bridge
why not just join them?
we'll all die anyway.

day sixty-seven: too...

too close

too too close

close enough to feel

you

too nice

too too nice

too nice to be real to

me

too deep

too too deep

too deep to find a way

in the right direction

too grand

too too grand

too grand of a time to

stay away for too long

too long

too too long

too long since we've been

comfortable in our own skin

too beautiful

too too beautiful

you're just too beautiful

for me.

day sixty-six: doubting heart.

mix the feelings

like a snowy slush

flood them over the dam

churn them up

like an upset stomach

trying to escape

shake me up

my hands are shaking

from the old confusion i've come to know

change the feelings

toward one or the other

and feel the epic guilt

fix the broken

things that are deep

buried beneath the oceans

dive down deep

and dig them

dig up the doubts i keep

take them ashore

and hide them away

don't let me see where they are

for if i notice

where the sand has been disturbed

i'll dig till death for my doubting heart.

day sixty-four: these are tears.

tears

so many of them

like an meteor shower

on a hot summer night

tears streak across my sky

and leave blazing trails of white,

clean, welcome, whiteness,

like a too hot flame

searing tears of stress

being expelled

sorrowful tears of hurt

being let go

silent tears of hatred

forcing themselves out

so many tears

slowly falling down

thank you, gravity.