day fifty-one: plans?

see,

there are these things

they are called plans

and we've never needed them...

so why

am i trying so hard

to plan

when i let my heart

be yours?

because i'm afraid.

i'm terrified

and i've been told that

that is the point of love

to be terrified of the newness

and the oldness and the perfection that will never be there

to be open to heartbreak

and to help one another

i'm afraid that i'll get lost

i'll lose myself in you

and i wont be able to come out

not whole, not safe, not me.

i'm terrified of

ending up like those before me

of jumping this gun

of ending... us... ever.

of being judged.

i'm basically scared

and i'm finding my faith

and my trust

and my reasons to be brave

just wait,

i'll find them soon

i can feel it in my

shaking hands

there's something just there

just out of reach

something that will make me realize

its okay for me to be

happy.